Oh, to find her now

Oh, to find her now

I looked into the mirror and saw the eyes of a dying man. I was 24 years old, a young man now ascending to his prime and I was going to die. Why, you may ask am I going to die, well it is called HIV precursor to the AIDS virus and the reason why my life as I knew it was over.

Some may laugh at me and said I should have used condoms, stayed with one partner only or just practised abstinence. Well if you wish to say the third one to me go blow it out your ass because I did the first two but look where it got me. I had always known that I could never bear the burden of taking another persons life so I always used protection and never fucked around. I mean it was my life as well as another's I was putting at risk so I used the golden rule towards my relationships at all times.

No matter how tempted I was or how sexy or how much of a slut the girl was I walked away whenever possible or ran as the case sometimes required.

How did I end up like this, well let's just say her name was Rochelle. She was 22 years old, could have shown up a coke bottle with her curves and was just a plain freak. This girl believed that there were no holds barred when it came to sex and this often near placed me in danger of a heart attack but I always survived, barely sometimes.

We met at a sports bar when a bunch of my friends about 8 of us in all were chilling out watching some English league football via satellite. Manchester United was about to score in the 79th minute when I turned to poke some fun at the Chelsea supporters about the last rites being read when I saw her walking towards our table. There was a huge united "DAMN" as all of our eyes bugged out as she flowed across the room towards us.

Everyone turned to stare at Tyrone, our official player of the group trying to figure out how the hell he had gotten her attention. Everyone's jaws hit the table when she ignored the big good looking muscular Negro that he was for plain old 5'10 old me with a body that Morris Chestnut wished he had. I am just joking here; well at least I am still capable of that for now at least, but anyway back to my tale.

She introduced herself to me and after I wished my friends a good night, we spent the whole night engrossed in conversation just getting to know each other. She was a junior accountant fresh out of college and now trying to find herself after 4 years of college. Well I on the other hand was a young business lawyer. I was well on my way up the corporate ladder with blood in my eye and a fire under my ass. I wanted it all and as soon as possible because I wanted to spend my money, not my kids. I mean why work your ass off to pass your money onto your kids so that they can just piss it away.

We both loved old country music especially Charley Pride but some Conway Twitty never hurt anybody either. I mean we were both black but we both loved the old stuff.

Our relationship was slow and hesitant at first as we took the time to get to know one another and we quickly developed strong feelings for one another. The sex was out of this world I mean come on, have you ever fucked a woman that could put both feet behind her head and scream fuck me till it hurts. Well until you do you can not understand what I mean. She gave herself fully to me holding nothing back. We always used condoms and she was on birth control pills as well just in case.

Things were great for the first nine months until the wanderlust hit her. I did not recognise the signs at first but looking back I guess they were plain to see if you knew what you were looking for.

It started slow at first by her constant grumblings that we never went out to party at all. I found it strange but ignored it for the most part I figured she just wanted to fight over something, anything just to have a conflict. I mean come on I told her from the get go that I preferred to spend quality time with friends versus partying with strangers. We did go out but never really to night clubs because I explained to her that I got very claustrophobic if I spent over two or more hours in a crowd of people with all that noise around me.

So after a while she started going out for a night on the town with her girls every month but this soon changed to bi-weekly. Finally it was two and three nights a week.

Oh don't get me wrong I tried my best to spend some time with her but I had a huge project at work. A merger between two cellular companies who were both in the top 20 in America so we had a huge workload and some crucial deadlines to meet. We were in the final weeks of completing the last set of paperwork so it was all hands on deck.

I called her whenever I could and sent her flowers regularly. I was even able once to make enough time to take her out to dinner at a five star restaurant courtesy of my boss because as he explained it to me "I was once young and horny like you too son."

Well the sex that night was off the hook and the only blemish was when the condom broke. I was shocked when I realised because I had been using that brand for years both me and my buddies. None of us had ever had that problem and trust me us guys discuss all that shit a lot.

I looked at it afterwards and I noticed a small hole in it but figured it was just one of those things. I was fairly calm about it because we had both gone for blood tests and what not before we had started our relationship and we had both been cleared to be free of any S.T.D's at the time.

Things went well with the merger and the night after the last signature was on the paperwork I went out to celebrate with the guys since Rochelle was out with the girls again. We decided to try out this new nightclub just for kicks by name of Low-down.

When we got there the place was jumping I mean the line was stretching around the corner but we knew the bouncers at the door so they let us in right away. We had a ball as I released all the tension of the last few weeks and partied up a storm. The night's festivities quickly went sour on me though when Tyrone grabbed me and pulled me over to one of the pillars and pointed out to me a girl in the middle of the dance floor who was shaking her top above her head as she danced drunkenly around in her brassiere and miniskirt.

That girl was Rochelle and my eyes went red as I realised just who it was. I was just about to go over and grab her and drag her stupid ass out of the club when Tyrone put his arm on my shoulder to restrain me and pointed over to someone to her left. My jaw dropped as I saw Michelle our old neighbourhood bike signalling to her that she was ready to go. I call her a bike because she was virtually incapable of saying no when it came to anyone requesting sex. Straight and plain she was a slut without the ability to say no to any man or woman as we once found out when we caught her in the act.

I was wondering what the fuck was going on when Tyrone and the other guys dragged me out of the club because I knew that I was ready to tear the fucking place down.

Marcus one of the other guy's in the group exclaimed loudly "What the fuck, so that is where I know your girl from," as he turned to stare at us. "What the fuck are you talking about?" we shouted at him. "Did you all not remember that summer when this young girl came to visit Michelle and was following you around the entire summer Paul?" He said as he looked at me.

It slowly came back to me as I remembered that summer 10 years ago and slowly Rochelle's face merged with that little girl that had had a monster crush on me 10 years ago. Why the fuck had she never mentioned that had known me from before.

I left the guys still seeing blood in my eyes and called a cab to take me home. When I got there I picked up the phone and called Rochelle's apartment to talk to her but to my surprise a fucking man answered the phone.

"Who the fuck are you and where the fuck is Rochelle right now." I shouted into the phone.

He calmly replied "You mean this girl here who is sucking my dick. She's probably Rochelle because I know Michelle but I don't know this one's name at all." He tossed the phone onto the hook but it did not land properly and I heard in the background someone say "Come on guys it's time to pull a train on this bitch here."

I dropped the phone down and reached for my aluminium baseball bat as I rushed through the door. It took me 20 minutes to get over to the her apartment and the cabby was eyeing my bat the entire way as tried his best to avoid any eye contact. He tore away from the curb as soon as I got out of the cab as he saw me put my hand into my pocket.

I took my time and went up the stairs telling myself it was a sick practical joke yes that's what it was. As soon as I turned my key to her apartment in her front door something told me that the joke was on me as I heard some lusty moans when I stepped through the doorway.

When I went into the living room I saw the scene that matched the moans coming to my ear. They were six guys all of them naked sporting huge erections were using them on the two willing sluts. Michelle's three holes were stuffed by three guys and two of these guys were tonguing each other deeply. I felt the bile rising in my throat but the vomiting really started when I looked over and saw Rochelle being double fucked by two of the remaining guys while she sucked off the other.

The smell of shit was strong in the air as you could see it all over the guy's dicks as they shoved them in and out of the girl's assholes. I half expected to see someone holding a video camera because the whole thing seemed fucking unreal. I felt like an eternity had passed but only ten seconds had elapsed.

One of the guys noticed me and pointed me out to Rochelle who screamed and jumped up and away from the guy's and ran over towards me screaming hysterically. "I can explain all this it is not what you think. Well ok maybe it is, but you were so busy and you did not have time for me anymore. So I started hanging out with my cousin and her friends and one thing just led to another." She finished off in a low tone as she stared at her feet.

I did not say a word but just stared at her calm on the outside but in my head I was sticking a gun in each and every one of their mouths and emptying the clip. First off the guys were obviously part time homosexuals and there was not a condom on any of the dicks I could see. Second this bitch had committed herself to a relationship with me and now was fucking me over like this.

I reached over and held her face and pulled it upwards till her eyes were looking right into mine and spoke softly so that only she could hear. "You are nothing but a dirty low class slut who will never amount to anything in this world. You put my life at risk to have some fun on the side rather than trying to talk to me and solve the problem the best way we could. If when I go to the doctor to get tested and I find out that I got anything from you I will hunt you down and kill you. Don't think it will be quick either." I whispered menacingly into her face and then I spat in her face as she cowered in fear and pain because I now had my fingers pressed tightly into her face and she was moaning as I stared her down to let her know that this was a promise I would keep.

During all this time the fags whom she had abandoned to run to me from were yelling at her too hurry up and get her ass over there before their dicks got cold.

Maybe they figured I was a wimp or something or that I was too civilised to fuck them up but tonight would be one night they would never forget. I pushed her away from me and turned to them and said softly "Come and get it assholes." I would not feel right unless I beat the shit of somebody and they were my chosen targets.

When my whispered comment finally registered with them they made a crucial mistake and dived over the couch to get to me. Now any sane man knows that you never get into a fight naked because it leaves you open to a world of hurt. The first guy to reach me found this out as I arrested his forward momentum with a firm kick to the nuts with my weight behind it. He dropped like a stone and screamed silently into the carpet. The other guy seemed to have some martial arts training but he could not counter a home run hit to his ribs with my aluminium bat. He too dropped to the carpet as the other one arrived with the rest of the guys in attendance. The ensuing scuffle saw me with a dislocated shoulder and a few loose teeth but the other guys did not fare so well. Let's just leave it at that.

I left her apartment a blood covered mess with Michelle and Rochelle trying their combined best to revive the guys who were all unconscious.

The first stop I made was to an emergency clinic where I explained that I had been mugged when they saw my injury and the blood all over me. I declined their advice to report it to the police explaining that they had gotten nothing and I would rather forget about the incident and move on with my life.

I got the blood test done one time with a general check up as well hey you know kill two birds with one stone.

I went home and cried when the nights events started to finally hit me and then started puking again as I remembered the nasty shit the bastards were caught up in. I finally drifted off to sleep as I twisted and turned praying that I would be able to walk away with my health if not my pride.

I went back over to her apartment a week to collect all my shit from her place but the place was as clean as a whistle when I got there. I started to sweat when I got there as I remembered the promise I had made to her and rushed to the clinic to collect my test results.

I had been avoiding this because of my fear but knew now that I had to know. I did not have to wait long when I got there thankfully. I was waved through to the doctor's office after what seemed like an eternity. He started his speech giving me the mandatory counselling but I told him quickly, "Am I positive or not?" He paused as he stared down at my file and said quietly "Yes I am afraid you are."

I can't tell you much of what he said after that because I just remember waking up in bed in my clothes and my pillow was wet and slimy with my tears.

I hunted high and low for the bitch but she disappeared without a trace. Michelle though I was able to find but the licks I poured into her sorry ass were not enough to get the location for Rochelle. I looked into her eyes after I was finished and saw fear but a resolute stubbornness in them refusing to give away her cousins whereabouts. She never reported me for the lashes I put down on her sorry ass because she must have realised I just did not give a flying fuck.

I still went to work and was even more focused on my job than before, I mean come on I had to have money to buy the medication.

It's been about a year now since I have been diagnosed and I am constantly being sick these days but I am surviving.

Rochelle did send me an email about a month ago telling me how sorry she was and that she never meant to hurt me. Apparently she had suspected she was positive after one of the guy's lovers had died under some mysterious circumstances. She had doctored the condom with the help of a needle because she wanted to ensure that I would stay with her after I found out I was positive. She figured I was fucking around as well and would blame it on one of the other women.

Despite my plea to her that all was forgiven now that I realised I was going to die and my solemn vow that I wanted to get back with her the bitch never gave me her address or telephone number. Hell she did not even respond to my email.

I hired a private eye the other day to help me find her. When I receive that call one of these days with her new address I will have my version of justice on her sorry ass. I will try my best to live until that day comes because I refuse to die until I am able to piss on the dying bitch who gave me this fucking death sentence.

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