Satisfying my desires
I wake up before alarm goes off as i usually do. I close my eyes knowing ive still time to enjoy lying there, warm, under the duvet. I'm smiling at the dreams i remember seeing during the night. Someone might call them dirty but how can such pure arousal, pleasure, enjoyment be dirty!?
I continue thinking of alternatives for the dreams i'd had. At the same time i lazily slide my hands along my body. I would love to get more concrete stimulation but im too sleepy. I just brush across my boobs with my hands, occasionally moving them between my legs.
Finally the alarm goes off, i get up and wander downstairs to the kitchen to put the kettle. My hands just move like arms of an industrial robot. While waiting for the kettle i go back to my bedroom and get a t-shirt to wear, i sleep naked…it feels much more comfortable without strangling clothes.
Back downstairs i make a drink go to sit on the sofa and switch on the tv. I sit in a half lying position with one leg up on couch sipping my tea and absent-mindedly touching myself. Im not actively masturbating, its more like a habit of touching myself all the time. Im not aiming to orgasm or even high arousal just doing something little to make me feel good. Im wet and wanting but i enjoy staying at this stage.
I circle around my clit and pay much more attention to other parts. I slowly move my index finger in and out, then bring my finger up to taste myself. I do all this without really taking eyes off the tv, totally absent-mindedly. I quickly dip my finger in my mouth and then return it down between my legs.
Then i woke up to reality. Its time to hurry again, i rush back upstairs, go to bathroom and wipe myself clean. Back to my room, i throw the t-shirt on the bed and look for something to wear. I put on a bra and pretty normal, light blue panties. I prefer normal panties over strings or thongs if i wear anything at all. Over that i put on a simple black skirt and a top.
Quick check in the mirror and apply some make up, just little touch of eyeshadow, some mascara and lip balm. I combed hair, then rush to the car. I temporarily forgot everything that happened during the morning, im like any woman going somewhere.
Traffic is heavy and i grind to a halt, put on the stereo and check my phone. It's a fight between three things, concentrating on the driving, resisting a cigarette, and fantasizing….i try to do all of those same the time. I feel awfully aware how wet i am and as much i would love to touch myself, i can't do it here, can i?
I look around, trying not to blush.. how silly is that, im in a car in a queue of traffic so who can see. I wonder if the people there can see what i think and feel. Mostly they stare forward into the distance. I look around, i check hairstyles, clothes, from what i can see, and my mind begins to wander.
Traffic is still not moving so i decide to do a U-turn and head for the nearest garage, i go in, ask the cashier for 20 cigs and request the use of the toilet. Im told its outside. I walk to the car and throw in the cigs locking the door behind me, then head to the loo. On my arrival I notice 1 of the cubicles are closed, there's also a woman standing at the sink, about mid 20's with jet black hair, she looks at me through the mirror… i say nothing but smile. I lock the door and sit on the toilet seat, i chuckle at myself thinking about the moist patch in my panties as my hand moves down, just carefully touch myself a little. I don't want to go too far here, but i want to do it a bit while its possible cos im feeling very horny.
There are people just behind those thin walls. I can hear their voices and it adds to the thrill. I dip just a tip of my finger in me, its like a sweet torture, but also a great enjoyment for controlling myself and not going as far i would like to. Denial in it makes it feel twice better. I take a few seconds massaging the hood over my clit, just enough to make me want to moan. Then, as if by the command of some inner voice, i stop.
Time to go, i take a deep breath, relax and sigh. It takes a bit time to finally relax enough to allow myself to pee, i wipe myself then pull my panties…despite the coldness of the wet patch feeling uncomfortable. I correct my clothing, try to measure if my cheeks are blushed with the back of my hand, and step out of the cubicle, convincing myself that no one can know what happened there. Im not even aware of how long i was in there but the girl i spotted has gone, or at least i couldn't see her. I walked out and went to my car, there she was. She looked over at me and gave me an almost knowing smile, i felt myself blush as a sudden feeling of naughtiness filled me.
I get in the car, switch on the stereo turning it up high, and pull out the to road. the traffic is still pretty heavy so i decide to head back home, shopping can wait… right now i need to get home and satisfy my needs. It doesn't take long but its always a pain to sit still when my mind is constantly thinking about what Im going to do to myself when I get home.
Finally i arrive, Mmmm no more people watching, no more social play, no more hiding what I feel or what i really need. Here i can do whatever i want without anyone knowing. I take off my excess clothing leaving only my panties, i put on that same t-shirt i had on this morning. Now i can freely touch myself again without worrying a bit. I turn on the computer and surf around abit, all the time slowly and passively, almost absent-mindedly, touching myself. I massage my breasts, sometimes pushing my hand in my panties and fingering. I still avoid too direct and too strong stimulation. I don't touch my clit, i still want to postpone the actual prize, i want to enjoy the feeling of being able to control myself and deny orgasm.
I continue that for a long time. Today this is going to last hours. I watch TV, make dinner and eat it. All the time im either thinking about playing or actually doing it. Not really chasing an orgasm but keeping the 'tickling' going in me. The longer this goes on more the wilder my thoughts get. I start to feel many normally disgusting, perverted things arousing. Finally i feel frustrated enough with all this. I want to use the last of my self-control in preparing for climax.
I go to the bed room. Now im not thinking about just absentmindedly fondle myself, im going to masturbate for real. I want to fuck myself… to be a passive side and just take it. I cant alone, not properly anyway. I strip off, get 'pinky' my dildo from the bedside table and climb into bed. I lie down on my back and take a deep breath of relief for allowing myself, finally, full enjoyment.
The same breath of relief is also a sigh of disappointment because i feel like i am betraying my long control over arousal. I don't want a quick orgasm now, im chasing for a big one. Something that would cause my body to tremble and exhaust all the raging and stress that goes on in my mind.
Even now i start slowly. First with my fingers, then slowly introducing pinky, slowly teasing myself by pushing it in and out. I squirm and carefully try to keep pace slow even though its completely opposite to what my body wants. Last bits of enjoyment for being in control of everything. I get very aroused. It's like all the barriers suddenly would open and all the cumulated stimulation i have got today would take effect now. I breathe heavily while every muscle in my body seems to tense in anticipation at every push. I would want an extra hand to handle pinky and let me concentrate on the feelings only. I push it all way in, i leave it there and bring my right hand to my clit. I slowly start to massage there, my hand is well lubricated from my own juices. I straighten my legs and feel my whole body tensing.
Voiceless moans come out from my mouth. I'm close already but still i would love to build up more. I pause my hand and run the fingers of my left hand through my hair. I grasp and pull until it hurts, in an enjoyable way. Momentarily I can imagine someone pulling my hair while fucking me. I slide my left hand down and replace pinky with my fingers. I keep them in, trying to reach deep while concentrating again on my clit with my right hand.
I pull out my left hand and bring it to my lips. I can smell the scent in my fingers and taste it on my lips. I quickly return my hand back feeling the orgasm coming. The scent stays still in the wetness left on my upper lip. I rub myself vigorously and feel my whole body becoming rigid like it has been captured in this state. I'm curled up a bit staring at my hands trying to free myself. Then i come, violently, passionately and freely
I throw myself backwards on the bed, eyes open but not seeing anything. It's not only small and quick warmth or relief, but something that takes my mind completely away from everything. Im lying with all my limbs stretched out feeling the orgasm pulsing and then slowly fading away and my muscles relaxing. The air feels cool on my sweat covered skin. A slight moan escapes me as I finally got rid of all the tension I built during day.
I feel relieved and even a bit disappointed. Disappointed since the climax always goes by too fast and never seem to be enough. I close my eyes and enjoy the afterglow. I tremble a bit with muscles still pulsing but it quiets down all the time. I brush my pubic area gently, almost non-erotically. I feel very swollen and sensitive down there. Even touching with slick fingers is too much. I would curse the wet patch on the sheets under my butt if I would have any energy left to care. I'm just still and enjoying the exhausted feeling I have.
I pull my duvet over myself, feeling warm and cozy under it. Some days i crave a cold beer and something salty after an orgasm but today just being there, safe and comfortable in my own bedroom is all i need, for now at least.